Dinner Wars
by PsychoSongstress
Summary: Come one, come all the the Cursed Sword Dinner! To celebrate our grand opening, we have a promotion for any group of travelers low on cash! If your group can make your way through our entire menu, you don't have to pay. That's right! Eat everything off our menu, and YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY!


Well, this is my first attempt at a short story. It kinda came out more rushed and chaotic than I wanted, but I guess I just have to get in the hang of keeping the plot… shorter. Hopefully it was interesting enough for a quick read. Any pointers are very helpful!

I don't own Slayers! I do love writing fanfiction and drawing though! My spelling and grammar is rather bad, so if you noticed anything that is painfully wrong, let me know and I'll fix it up right away!

Fugitive should be updated tomorrow! I hope you enjoy my short, and it's a little funny...

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**Dinner Wars!**

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Two wide doors slammed open as a group of six travelers made their entrance, looking ready for a fight. Well, actually only three really looked threatening, the other three looked more or less inconvenienced. All eyes were on the young woman who stomped up to the counter where a very confused host waited.

"You know why I'm here." The fiery red head barked with a malefic tone, assuming the fearful host had had visions of this day.

Swiftly, Lina slammed down her fist on the counter top, causing the waiter to flinch as he avoided making eye contact with her. Slowly he looked down to see a crumbled flyer underneath her fist, spread out for him to read.

"According to this flyer, your restaurant has just recently opened, and as a promotion, if a party of customers can finish off every item of your menu, we get the whole meal for free. Is this true?"

The host pulled his collar from his neck as he felt sweat dripping down his back from her stare. Meekly, he nodded his head. "Yes ma'am. However nobody has completed the challenge yet."

The host's skin began to crawl, as a low cackle began to exit from Lina as a visible force of energy began to surround her. Turning from the host, she shot a look over at the taller blonde who was bone-skinny, and looked like he had not eaten a meal in months. "We're going to do it." She grinned wickedly at him, as he gave an excited wheeze.

"We will dedicate this battle to Justice! This will be our reward for traveling five whole days' and five nights with only minimum food and water!" Amelia stated as she gazed at the host with a look of dementia.

"They really seemed fired up about this." Filia said rather fearfully as she kept her distance from her three hunger driven companions.

"That's Lina, Gourry and Amelia for you." Zelgadis murmured as he looked over his copy of the flyer. "This does seem to be too good of an offer to be true though. Since were out of money and all."

"I don't understand how they can even afford to do this kind of promotion." Filia replied.

"Well if you think about it, the idea is rather ingenious." Xellos thought out loud as he looked at the flyer Zelgadis was holding out. "Look here, the prices for the items on this menu aren't cheap. They probably have been making a huge profit from this little advertising."

"Alright bud, bring us the food!" Lina demanded as she began to pat her stomach in anticipation.

"Food, food!" A dusty croak came out of Gourry.

"Uh- of course, this way please." The host said nervously as he led them to a large table in the corner of the room. As they began to sit, a few of the on lookers began to clap and gave them words of encouragement.

"It's almost like we are a source of entertainment for them." Filia said as she sat down next to Zelgadis.

"Well I'm sure they will get a good show." Xellos snickered as he took his seat next to Filia.

"Do you have to sit next to me?" She asked politely, though she was obviously irritated. "There is a lovely seat over there, on the other corner of the table."

"Oh, but the view is much better here. After all, surroundings set the mood of the meal."

"Well then how nice of you to ruin my meal then." She snorted.

From the kitchen emerged a young woman who was dressed in clothes that looked fancy enough to suit royalty. She approached the table with an official looking document and a quill.

"Good evening honored guest, I hear you're interested in taking part in our little contest." She stated as she placed the document down on the table. "Once the rest of your party arrives I'll have one of you sign this document stating that if your party is unable to complete all the food we prepare, you will be legally obligated to pay for all the dishes within seven days of your contest."

"I hate contracts." Lina grumbled as she scratched both sides of her head frantically before she then quickly scooped up the quill and signed the contract. "They always hide little cheats in them to get back at you later."

"Maybe you should have read it first then." Zelgadis sighed as he shook his head.

"Food now, think later." Lina growled, "Ok! Ok! We're ready, bring out the FOOD!"

"This is the only people participating?" The woman asked looking at them in shock.

"Yes, yes! Bring me my food now, I'm starving." Lina began to plead as drool dripped from her mouth.

Suddenly a few of the people watching began to hold in a chuckle, before one let out a roar of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lina spat at them as her hair began to shoot sparks.

"Well, you see miss, we have had groups of dozens come in to take the challenge, and nobody has finished. You're just setting yourself up for failure."

"Oh yeah?" Lina shouted as she stood up and stomped her right foot on the table as she pointed across the room at the man dramatically. "I've never accepted a challenge my mouth couldn't back up!"

"Miss Lina, would you please take your foot off the table?" Filia paled at the hunger driven sorceress's acts of incivilities.

A light began to surround Gourry as his spirit began to rise from Lina's speech. Mimicking her pose with his tooth-pick legs and arms he pointed at the woman standing in front of them.

"We will defeat you, Cursed Sword Restaurant!" He rasped.

The room filled with an assortment of claps, and laughter.

"Don't take our chefs lightly." The business woman said to them in a hard voice. "They have been collected from all reaches of the world. They have perfected the art of cooking and have prepared dishes so rich and bold that your pallets won't be able to handle them."

A pool of drool began to seep out of Gourry and Lina's mouth as her words quickly cut through them like a knife. Sensing the danger, Amelia too stood up and posed as she pointed up to the heavens.

"As a royal, I've tasted the best of the best! Cooking that even the angel of Justice could glutton herself upon! We shall win this contest!"

"As a royal you shouldn't put your foot on the table either Amelia." Filia continued to frown.

"Bring on the FOOD!" Lina, Gourry and Amelia shouted out. The woman, whose name tag said Nancy sighed as she beckoned the servers to bring out the food. The three quickly took their seats, cutlery in hand, and napkins tied securely around their necks.

The first wave of servers brought six large pitchers of water to the table.

"Um, excuse me." Filia asked the waitress who placed the water in front of her. "Is there any chance I could have a cup of herbal tea?"

"It's a lot easier to keep all that food down with water, are you sure you want tea?"

Filia's eyebrow twitched at the waitress. She had just _asked_ for the tea, didn't she?

"That sounds lovely, I would like one as _well_." Xellos smiled at the waitress dismissing her.

Vulgar growls began to trail out of Gourry and Lina as the waiters and waitresses began to place all the food on the large table. After the entire table was covered, the woman came up to them and guided her hand through the air, starting them off.

Instantaneously the dishes began to disappear from the table as Lina, Gourry and Amelia began to pack the food away. During the first wave of food, Filia barely got a bowl of soup before all the food had been cleared away. Halfway through the battle, Lina and Gourry both abandoned their silverware as the food must have not been getting in to their stomachs fast enough.

On lookers watched in horror as they devoured all the food that was placed in front of them.

Xellos sat eating a large piece of cake as his amusement shone from his face.

It took over eight bus-boys to keep running back and forth removing all the dirty dishes from the table, and the three didn't slow down at all.

After the third wave of dishes, the waitress finally brought out Filia's tea and placed it in her hand, since there was no table space at the time. Filia took a quick sip of her tea, and instead of comfort, she felt confusion.

"Excuse me miss," Filia grabbed her waitress attention, "I asked for herbal tea, this is green."

"It's the same thing isn't it?" The waitress replied.

"Wh-, no, it's not!" Filia replied offended. "They are both made completely different. Herbal is healthier and filled with less caffeine."

"Well if you're worried about your health, you could have drunk the water." The waitress tried to offer, acting like she was trying to help her out, though her grip on her serving tray was so strong, her knuckles were turning white.

"I don't want water, I wanted tea!" Filia roared, as her tail popped out.

Xellos began to giggle, pleased by the negativity between the two, as he took his own sip of his tea, enjoying the meal he was getting out of it.

Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were working on the fifth wave of dishes and not slowing down, as Zelgadis ate his dish slowly, and Xellos continued to eat off some of the more delicious looking desserts.

The on-lookers began to watch in horror as the food continued to disappear from the table as quickly as it was placed down.

"Where are they putting it all?

"Are they human?"

"I've never seen girls eat so much."

The last one got hit square in the forehead with a plate, and slowly tipped back and fell out of his chair.

"ARE YOU SAYING WE'RE FAT?" Lina and Amelia accused with their mouths stuffed with food.

"N-not at all."The injured man replied weakly, as he got death-glares from the two before they returned to their food.

*Back in the kitchen*

"What are we supposed to do? Those heathens are plowing through all of our dishes like air! We even sent out larger portions to fill them up and it didn't affect them!" Shouted Nancy. "All the money we have earned will be for nothing! I need that bonus to pay for all these clothes!"

"We will just have to add something else to the menu!" a high pitched voice chortled. "After all, this brilliant plan was thought up by my beautiful, wonderful, brave, and strong husband."

"Uhh-" Nancy frowned as she looked over her boss who had went in a dreamland far from where they were. "Boss?"

"Don't worry!" The teal haired woman answered, returning to reality, "I have my secret weapon! Let's see if they can finish the last course!"

*Back in the dining room*

"How can they still be living?"

"They have been through nine sets already!"

"Quick Jim, get the kids out of here before they eat them too!"

Zelgadis placed his fork down on his plate as he finished what he was working on, and crossed his arms. Beside him on the left, Amelia was still in crazed hunger mode, and on his right, Filia and Xellos we're arguing about the proper way to boil tea. Feeling trapped between the two extremes with no way of escape, he pulled out a book he had discovered in his last temple raid, and tried to make out the characters on the pages.

"It doesn't matter what I do anyways,-" Zelgadis muttered to himself, "I'm only here for the funny one-liners."

The plates were all cleared away, leaving the table bare. Nancy came out, just in time to see Lina and Gourry in the middle of a fight over the last drumstick, which ended with both of them clasping their teeth in to the flesh of the meat. Nancy shuddered at the barbaric display.

"So was that all?" Amelia asked, looking behind Nancy for more food.

"You have definitely have come farther than any had before, what were about to bring out is the last item on our list. Golden Dragon Surprise." Nancy paused as the bus-boys walked out with golden platters they placed down on the table, and removed the golden domes off them.

Piles of Dragon steaks pilled high sat in front of them. There must have been a whole dragon's worth of weight in all the meat before them.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Filia shouted as she stood up mortified.

"Golden. Dragon. Surprise." Nancy repeated. "If you finish this, then your bill is cleared."

Filia shot Lina a dark look, that clearly said, Don't. You. Dare.

Lina was oblivious to the death gaze she was getting from Filia as she took in a breath, letting the scent of the food before her fill her body. Her eyes glossed over as she went in overdrive looking down at the food.

"Oh dear." Xellos chuckled as Filia's feelings of negativity began to reach its peak.

"CHARGE!" Lina shouted as she began to dive in to the precious steaks.

"MISS LINA WAIT!" Amelia shouted.

"What is it Amelia! You know nothing comes in between me and my food!"

"This food, it's cursed!" The Seyruun princess announced as she stood up, looking like she was about to pass out.

"How can you tell?" Lina asked.

"Well you see…" Amelia chuckled weakly, "I couldn't wait."

"Are you saying you tried it before me?" Lina screamed as she fought back the urge to flip the table over.

"Amelia, are you alright?" Zelgadis asked concerned. "What kind of curse is it?"

"Well apparently it's a sleeping spell." Amelia yawned.

"Again," Lina growled, "How can you tell?"

"Because Mister Gourry is already sleeping." Amelia pointed out as the group turned their eye to swordsman who had regained his form.

"GOURRY, HOW DARE YOU TRY IT BEFORE ME!" Lina raged as she started kicking her spellbound comrade.

Shaking, Filia stood up and slammed her heel on the table, reaching for her mace, and pointing in Lina and Amelia's direction, eyes glowing red.

"Mister Gourry, Miss Amelia, Miss Lina!" Filia began to howl as her energy began to swirl.

"Ah- It's not very civilized for a Dragon to put her foot on the table." Xellos mocked.

Letting out a frustrated cry, Filia began to blindly shoot holy beams from her mouth in rage, quickly demolishing the whole restaurant.

All the meat was destroyed in the wreckage, causing Lina to let out a agonizing groan.

Two papers slowly fell down, which were caught by Zelgadis and Nancy.

Zelgadis picked up the sleeping princess and hoisted her over his shoulder, as he did the same with Gourry.

The paper had the ingredients to Golden Dragon Surprise, which once Filia calmed down, Zel would explain was really made of ogre meat.

"Now would be a good time to go." Zelgadis said as he tapped Lina's shoulder, who was in tears.

"WAIT!" Nancy shouted out, "-you didn't complete the challenge! You have to pay!"

"Send the bill to the person on the contract!" Lina sobbed as she fled away.

"Argh!" Shouted a loud voice as the teal hair boss emerged from the diner ruins. "Was that Lina Inverse?" She shouted. "LINA INVERSE, I'LL GET YOU! You will PAY FOR ALL THIS FOOD AND HELP ME REBUILD ZOANA!"

"Boss…" Nancy said hesitantly, as she handed the contract over to her. The Zoana Queen took the paper in her hand, and looked down at the signature written on the dotted line.

_Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova_

"CUUUUUURSE YOOOOOU LINAAAAAAAAA INVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSE!"

A distance away, Xellos fazed over getting a bird's eye view of the demolished diner.

"What a great dinner that was!" He giggled, before he fazed away again avoiding a holy spell from a very furious dragon.


End file.
